January 26 2007

Just in time for the coldest day in two years, the bluebird flock comes to brighten my day. Why they are still around is a mystery, as I had thought they'd go south months ago. Perhaps it's that the weather has been so mild till now; more likely, that my neighbor puts out very high quality seed and has entire flocks of different birds in residence. In any case, I know why bluebirds are equated with happiness so often. Just seeing their remarkable blue feathers flash against the sky, and even especially against the snow, lifts the heart. And I have two more reasons for being uncharacteristically upbeat: my new great-niece, Dakota, and great-nephew Catcher. They were being born almost exactly as my plane was leaving O'Hare last Friday night - I was leaving late, and they were arriving 7 weeks early! I've just seen some early snaps, and am delighted to report that despite some scary moments, they are both doing well, and, of course, are adorable. I don't know who is more thrilled, the proud parents Abbey and Eric, the even prouder grandparents Vicki and Mural, or the absolutely proudest person in the world, great-grandmother Jo (she has been taken to the hospital to see Dakota, has not yet seen Catcher who was transferred elsewhere for a few days but is now back with his sister; Dad will have to wait till the babies come home, as getting him anywhere in this cold is not possible). It's an amazing moment to see the first persons of the next generation in our family appear. Brian and I are scheduled to meet them in March, when we'll also celebrate the folks' 65th anniversary - how does anyone do that? In the meantime, aside from getting the baby bulletins and monitoring the weather, all else is quiet here.

January 8 2007

Marching through time like this line of llamas, I enter 2007. As I gathered my ghosts around me on New Year's Eve, I missed my dear Saul the Dog Prince more than ever. Typically Brian is asleep well before midnight on any night; he's a morning person, I'm a night owl with insomnia. It's a combination that works well most of the time - his prime painting time is early mornings, usually before I even stagger out to the coffee machine, and I like the solitude of late nights reading, watching TV, surfing the net or just ruminating. But I didn't realize that a big part of my satisfaction in solitude resided in the softly snoring dog, always nearby, never at all crabby about being awakened from a rabbit-chasing dream for me to wish him a Happy New Year, or pour out my troubles. It was so comforting to have a confidant for whom confidentiality was never an issue! No matter what dire dark secrets of my soul I emptied into his floppy ears, nothing ever came back to haunt me. When Saul was buried last May, it marked the end of 40 years of living with pets: 3 dogs (Mutzie, Max, Saul), many cats (Bernie, Seymour, Roachie, Sweetpea, and Pearl, who lived to be almost 30, plus about a half dozen others), 3 bunnies (Dog, Rachel, Eeny) and too many aquarium fish to name even when they were alive. I wonder if I'm done for good with that part of my life...

The ghosts of years gone always seem nearer at New Year's, or Rosh HaShona, the Jewish New Year. Old dear college and post-college friends like Kent and Willie appear, now almost forty years younger than I, but still missed. My grandparents, aunts and uncles, some gone decades past, and one, my very last beloved "tante", gone only last year, two months prior to her 101st birthday. Very very sadly and for me completely unexpectedly, my wonderful friend and mentor of over 30 years, Patricia, whose wise advice and grace in living were a mainstay that will be missed the rest of my life. Friends' parents, parents' friends, as each of us ages our lists grow. It almost seems to me that we are like comets racing across our lifespan as they do the sky. The older we get, the faster we pass through time, and the longer our "tails" become, as we drag our incrementally increasing history behind us. I guess this is as close as I'll come to understanding the time/space theory of Einsteinian physics.