December 14 2006

I am so proud of my mother! At 87 she is still not only smart, lovely and thoughtful, but also incredibly tenacious as her own excellent advocate. Let me explain: Over six months ago, on a weekend, my mother discovered that one of the staff persons at her assisted living center (where she and my soon to be 93 year old father have lived for almost 6 years now) had decided to "clean out" the lounge room on their floor. This room serves both as an informal meeting room for activities and resident parties, and, more frequently, as a place for the live-in aides who care for residents to store their food, cook it, and socialize while they grab a meal. There's a refrigerator and a microwave, and lots of cabinet space, mostly empty except for things like Scrabble boards. We've had someone living with my parents for over two years now. One person works Monday through Friday, and someone else comes in for the weekend shift. The weekend man had just come in the night before, bringing his fresh food for the weekend with him. This was all thrown out, without warning, or even the courtesy of a knock on the apartment door to ask him to remove anything. When Mom confronted the staff person, she was given the usual non-responsive replies that the residents have unhappily become used to. That is, no real reason was given as to why unspoiled, clearly marked food was tossed. At that point Mom told the staff person that she would reimburse the aide for his lost food, and deduct that amount from her monthly fee (we're talking about thousands of dollars a month for the apartment, two meals a day, and various other services). The staff person was not only unsympathetic, but actually told my mother that she could do that if she wanted, but the small amount in dispute would be deducted from my parents' deposit when they "moved". "Moved" at this stage in their lives, as you might imagine, rarely means to anywhere else on this planet. What rudeness! What gall! So for the last six months my mother has talked to easily half a dozen persons about this, all of whom declined to to anything, citing ridiculous non-reasons that were enough to make me tear my hair out just hearing them. Finally, yesterday, Mom called the very head honcho of the entire area ONE MORE TIME. She had just seen an ad where the center was offering a free month's rent to new residents, plus a signing fee to anyone who recommended someone. She pointed out to this person that those amounts totaled over five thousand dollars; whereas what she was requesting lo these many months was well under fifty dollars. I don't know whether she caught him in a good mood, or that he finally understood the righteousness of her complaint, or whether the moon was retrograde or not; but the upshot of it all was that at dinner last night, a man to whom she had also spoken about this months ago, who also declined to credit this small sum, sought her out and said that "without admitting any wrongdoing, in the spirit of conciliation" they would credit her account. Kudos to Mom for hanging in there - it's a small win financially but HUGE in the principles department. And how lucky am I to be the daughter of such a woman of valour? Advocates out there, take note: never give up, never give in, hang on to your principles!